Graduated Extinction: How It Really Works (Complete Guide)
Key Takeaways
- Graduated extinction means letting your baby fall asleep independently while returning to reassure them at regular, increasing intervals.
- This is NOT 'cry it out' — you stay involved, you return at every interval, your baby is never left alone indefinitely.
- Most babies show significant improvement between night 5 and night 7.
- Consistency is everything — going back and forth between approaches extends crying instead of reducing it.
Your baby only falls asleep while nursing, in your arms, or after 45 minutes of rocking? You've probably heard of graduated extinction. But between conflicting opinions and guilt, it's hard to know what it actually involves. Here's a clear guide.
What graduated extinction actually is
Graduated extinction (also known as the Ferber method or controlled crying) is a structured approach to help your baby learn to fall asleep independently. The principle is straightforward: you put your baby down awake, leave the room, and return to reassure them at regular, increasingly spaced intervals.
This is not "cry it out" (full extinction). With full extinction, you don't go back at all. Here, you go back. At every interval. Your baby learns they are safe, that you are there, but that they can also fall asleep without external help.
How it works in practice
Before you start
- Check with your paediatrician that your baby is healthy and at least 4 months old.
- Choose the right time: not during illness, travel, or acute teething.
- Agree with your partner. This is essential. If one parent holds firm and the other picks the baby up after 10 minutes, the message becomes: "cry long enough and someone will come get you." Discuss the plan together before night one.
How a night unfolds
- Complete your bedtime routine as usual: bath, pyjamas, story, song, cuddle. 20 to 30 minutes, always in the same order.
- Put your baby down awake but drowsy. Say goodnight and leave the room.
- Wait for the first interval. If your baby cries, wait the planned time before returning.
- Do a brief check-in: go in, speak softly ("I'm here, you're okay, it's time to sleep"), a gentle pat or stroke, then leave. 30 seconds maximum. Don't pick your baby up.
- Increase the interval with each visit. Continue until your baby falls asleep.
Typical intervals
Intervals vary based on your baby's age and temperament. Here's a common schedule:
- Night 1: 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes, then 7 minutes each time
- Night 2: 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes, then 10 minutes
- Night 3: 7 minutes, 10 minutes, 12 minutes, then 12 minutes
- Following nights: continue gradually increasing
These timings aren't set in stone. A 4-5 month old might start at 2/3/5 minutes. A more determined 10 month old may handle slightly longer intervals.
What to expect night by night
Nights 1-2: the hardest. Your baby may cry for 30 to 60 minutes at bedtime. This is normal — they're protesting a change. Some babies cry less, others more. This doesn't predict the final outcome.
Night 3: often called the "peak night." Some babies test one more time with greater intensity before it clicks. Others already show improvement.
Nights 5-7: most babies fall asleep in under 15 minutes with little or no crying. Night wakings decrease too.
After 2 weeks: the new habit is typically well established. Falling asleep takes 5 to 10 minutes.
Mistakes that make the method fail
Being inconsistent
This is mistake number one. If you hold firm one evening and pick your baby up after 5 minutes the next, you're teaching exactly the opposite lesson: "cry long enough and someone will come." Result: more crying, for longer.
Picking baby up during the check-in
The check-in is for reassurance, not for settling to sleep. If you pick your baby up, you become the sleep crutch again. Speak softly, touch briefly, then leave.
Giving up after 2 nights
Two nights isn't enough. You've disrupted the old habit without establishing a new one. Commit to at least 5 to 7 nights before drawing conclusions.
Starting on a night when you're completely exhausted
Choose an evening when you have a minimum of energy. If you start exhausted and give in at 2am, that's worse than not starting at all.
Graduated extinction and night feeds
If your baby is under 6-7 months, they probably still need 1 to 2 feeds at night. Graduated extinction isn't about feeds — it's about falling asleep. Feed your baby when they're hungry, then put them down awake. The goal is for them to fall back asleep independently after the feed, not to eliminate feeds.
When NOT to use this method
- Before 4 months (the brain isn't ready)
- If your baby is ill or has a fever
- If you have any medical concerns (severe reflux, apnoea, etc.)
- If you or your partner aren't emotionally ready — and that's perfectly okay
Always consult your paediatrician before starting.
Tailoring the intervals to your baby
Every baby is different. A calm 6 month old doesn't have the same needs as an intense 9 month old. Age, temperament, current habits and recent events (illness, travel, regression) all influence the ideal pace.
DodoCare personalises these intervals every evening based on your baby's profile, the previous night and their progress over time. The plan adjusts automatically — if the night was tough, the programme adapts the intervals for the following evening. You can try it free for 3 days and see whether daily coaching makes a difference for your family.
Frequently Asked Questions
At what age can you start graduated extinction?
Most sleep specialists recommend waiting until at least 4 months (adjusted age for premature babies). Before that age, a baby's brain hasn't developed the maturity needed for independent sleep skills.
Will my baby feel abandoned?
No. You return regularly to reassure them — they hear your voice and feel your presence. Research shows that babies who learn to sleep with this method show no difference in cortisol levels or attachment compared to other babies.
What if my baby vomits during crying?
Go in calmly, clean up, change pyjamas if needed, briefly reassure and leave again. This can happen during the first few nights. If it happens frequently, consult your paediatrician to rule out reflux or another medical issue.